


The Cephalopods of our Lives

by Waterfall



Category: The Ocean (Anthropomorphic)
Genre: Anthropomorphic, Bad Puns, Cephalopods, David Attenborough... sort of, Documentary, Gen, nature documentary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-23 02:07:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17071442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waterfall/pseuds/Waterfall
Summary: Welcome to another episode of The Cephalopods of our Lives – the only television show that gives you insight into every aspect of a cephalopod's daily life, showcasing everyday pastimes and important issues.





	The Cephalopods of our Lives

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sinesofinsanity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinesofinsanity/gifts).



> **Title:** The Cephalopods of our Lives  
>  **Fandom:** The Ocean (Anthropomorphic)  
>  **Characters:** Various cephalopods  
>  **Word count:** 1477  
>  **Disclaimer:** This is a fan authored work and no profit is being made. Please do not archive this story without my permission.
> 
> **Author’s Notes:** Thank you so much for giving me this prompt! It was the one thing I most wanted to write, and your requests fit my ideas so perfectly (I hope)! I did want to write more but none of my other half-formed ideas wanted to solidify so a little taste of the cephalopod world is all I have to give this time around. I had a lot of fun with this idea and I really hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

The scene begins with a slightly blurry view of the ocean, the sun shining brightly from a blue sky. The camera sinks downwards, the water coming closer and closer until it fills the screen and the viewer is plunged into the sea. Underneath the water the view is crystal clear with vivid colours. Small fish swim by, sometimes intermingled with larger fish, jellyfish, dolphins, and even a whale. As the camera continues to sink a small white dot in the middle of the screen steadily becomes larger, eventually resolving into a set of words.  
“And now,” a voice in the background announces. “These are… _The Cephalopods of our Lives_!”  
The title fills the screen before cutting to a coral reef. There, perched on a piece of coral not unlike a chair is a pale blue, almost glowing squid, its body covered with yellow patches and black spots. It bobs gently in the water, its arms moving gracefully.  
“Welcome to another episode of _The Cephalopods of our Lives_ – the only television show that gives you insight into every aspect of our daily lives, showcasing everyday pastimes and important issues. My name is Squavid Octoborough, and I will be your host as we explore the many wonders of our society both in the sea and on land.

~*~

**Episode 4: Misunderstood Monsters?**  
“It’s always been very isolating,” a deep, morose voice explains as the camera pans around the dark, almost black sea. One can almost feel the weight of the water pressing down from above.  
“I didn’t ask to be born this way, none of us did. It is simply in our nature.”  
Slowly, two massive tentacle-like arms come into view and the camera moves along them. If the viewer looks closely they appear to be fiddling with a bit of rope. A second look reveals a knotted chain of rope dangling from the ends of the two arms, growing larger one knot at the time.  
“We’ve tried everything. Meditation, group therapy, distractions, even drugs… and do you know how hard those are to get down here?”  
The camera finally reaches the end of the arms and begins showing the body. What appeared to be an extremely close-up view is revealed to be life-size as the cephalopod in question seems to be draped over an old sail ship, from some time before the Napoleonic wars by the looks of it. The giant Kraken sighs, the ship shuddering under it.  
“Nothing seems to help! That’s why we hide ourselves away down here where we’re not really exposed to it.”  
“Bigger objects, you mean?” asks Squavid Octoborough. He can barely be spotted as a glowing dot next to the Kraken’s massive eye.  
“Exactly. If we see movement, we just _have_ to chase it! And if it’s big enough to catch, well…” The Kraken waves one of its arms in an embarrassed manner. “…it’s big enough to be played with. Adrenalin junkies, every one of us.”  
The camera cuts to a scene of three Krakens frolicking close to the ocean floor. They are passing around what appears to be a submarine, flinging it violently back and forth while the take turns chasing it. We cut back to the interview.  
“I take it it’s not the same?”  
“No, it’s just not the same thrill when they aren’t moving on their own. But after the latest whale incident we had to try _something_.”  
A brief cut to a Kraken and a giant whale who appear to be locked in mortal combat.  
“Completely understandable,” sympathises Octoborough. As he continues speaking the camera zooms in on him, his arms gently patting the bigger cephalopod while his wide eyes turn from the Kraken to the viewer. “Although some other Krakens have taken a more unorthodox approach to the matter – in the Pacific Ocean one particular individual has formed a startling relationship with a group of elephant seals…”

~*~

**Episode 7: Squid scientists**  
The viewer appears to be suspended slightly underwater, looking up. Above there are several boats moving around, their keels cutting almost threateningly into the ocean ceiling. A red boat comes into view, then stops. With a sudden movement something drops into the sea, displacing the water around it in a massive wave. The camera bobs a few times before it stabilises, and the shape from above is revealed to be a person in a full diving suit carrying a video camera in their hand.  
“Humans,” Squavid Octoborough’s melodious voice explains. “One of this world’s most mysterious creatures.”  
The human diver swims down towards the shallow ground where an orange-red octopus can be seen peering up towards her.  
“Very little is known about these four-limbed creatures. Their society is complex and often contradictory, with seemingly no set rules for leadership, house-building, fighting or even mating.”  
On camera the diver has now reached the octopus and appears to be filming it. The octopus inches several of its arms closer to her and moves them in a simple pattern.  
“Although they appear to communicate amongst themselves we have yet to gain contact with a human, as they appear oblivious to our attempts.”  
Tired of the lack of response the octopus turns a slightly redder colour and moves with determination towards the diver – or rather, towards her camera. After a brief struggle the octopus backs away victoriously, clutching the video camera in its tentacles. It seems to be attempting to turn the camera around.  
“Lately the cephalopod scientist community has turned their focus to the detachable human parts, but without much luck so far. Theories about these detachments range from them being methods of foraging or hunting, to weapons or housing parts. A small minority claim to see images as they acquire the parts, but the larger scientific community pay them no heed.”

The picture changes to the inside of a laboratory. A white, almost transparent squid is working its way out of an aquarium via a small gap at the top of the tank. Half way though it pauses and addresses the camera.  
“So far we have gathered quite a lot of data, but it’s too early to be sure of its usefulness.”  
It waves to an octopus in another aquarium further into the room, who briefly stops its activity in order to wave back.  
“We’ve discovered that humans are aware enough of their surroundings to discover when fish go missing from the tanks in here, but they aren’t quite clever enough to figure out how it happens.”  
Squeezing the rest of the way out the squid shimmies down the aquarium side, pausing to plant an obvious tentacle mark on the glass.  
“This time I’ll make it a little more obvious, maybe that will help. I’m convinced that they have enough cognitive skill to figure it out, even if it doesn’t seem to be finely developed yet.”  
As the squid starts making its way to the table edge the camera moves to the tank with the octopus. It seems to be involved in some sort of addition process, counting off numbers with its arms.  
“The humans are always wanting to know the amount of fish they have. They keep returning with these small tanks, asking me to choose between them. Of course I always go for the tank with most fish, especially since I realised that’s how dinner is served in here.”  
It gives of a form of shrug, starting near the head and rolling down all eight arms.  
“My cousin over in Germany has a much better gig – all he has to do is to choose between two flags!”  
Moving over to inspect the corners of its tank the octopus mutters,  
“With a little more work, I think I can get them started on simple addition. Now wouldn’t that be something!”

~*~

The view returns to the coral reef that was seen in the introduction of the show. Squavid Octoborough is still perched on his chair-like coral, somehow radiating kindness and enthusiasm out to the viewer.  
“And that’s all we had time for I’m afraid. Join us again next week for another episode of _The Cephalopods of our Lives_ , where we take a closer look at cephalopod fashion.”  
Cut to a Striped Pyjama Squid and a Mimic Octopus sitting side by side on the ocean floor, both patterned in black and white stripes.  
“Spots are simply _so_ last year,” the octopus states, while the squid nods emphatically in agreement.  
Another cut to an octopus sitting inside the bottom half of a coconut shell, clutching the other half in its arms.  
“Accessories are a must, and these fetching coconut shells also double as a shelter!”  
One final cut sends the viewer back to the coral reef as the titles start scrolling. In the background Octoborough can be seen talking to the show’s producer – an octopus with a clapperboard in its arms. As the text finishes scrolling the screen fades to black.


End file.
